The Price of Friendship
The Price of Friendship is Sacrifice.
In Part 1 of this friendship series, I asserted that the Problem of Friendship is, we do not know how to suffer. Toward the end, I told you how my quest to answer some questions on friendship led me back to the Bible! Let’s pick up from there.
Suffering is defined (by Google search) as the state of undergoing pain, distress or hardship. These three words do not seem like they should be related to friendship by any distance, but wait…have you ever experienced any or all of these three emotions in your friendships?
If your answer is no, I command you to stop reading. This article is not for you. Goodbye.
I am not even kidding. 😛OK! Jokes aside, I can’t even see you reading, so do what you please.
If you answered yes to my last question, we are tracking together. Let’s go hand in hand and explore this friendship terrain.
We agree that no matter how beautiful some of our friendships are, we have at some point felt like:
“Ah, this hurts.”
“Why did she/he do this/that?”
“Ouch, I wish I/they could be more(dot dot dot) or less (dot dot dot)”
“I am disappointed/discouraged/disillusioned by this/that friend because of…”
“I do not like xyz/zyx…”
How did the endearing and enduring friendships from the Bible manage the stressors of day-to-day life?
Elijah and Elisha:
Nothing like being best friends with somebody whose name rhymes with yours to give it that swag! Like Tife and Ife! Or Tolu and Tola! Chika and Chike! Wow. Or Victoria and … hmm kinda got stuck. I can’t think of a name that rhymes with mine. LOL. Please tell me if you think of something.
Let’s come back to the point.
Elijah and Elisha were in what society today would call a mentor-mentee relationship. Their relationship had a higher purpose and while the Bible does not get into the nitty-gritty of their relationship, we get a dose of their friendship at the end, when stuff is about to shift big time.
In 2 Kings chapter 2, God is about to take Elijah home for good (like no longer on earth vibes), and Elijah was attempting to spare Elisha and maybe himself the emotional goodbye, why?
Elijah was a man of God, but he was a loner. God used him to deliver tough messages that nobody wanted to hear. He was hated by many and feared by the rest. He probably was not accustomed to the kind of intimacy that does bearhugs and long goodbyes.
…but Elisha was not having it, he said to Elijah:
“As surely as the lord lives and you live, I will never leave you!”
Wahala! Why so deep Elisha?
Most likely, none of your friends have ever told you any variation of this sentence, talk more of if you were trying to ditch them.
If you have ever told someone that statement above, in any variation, hats off to you my friend. Elisha’s assertion takes faithfulness to a whole new level.
Three times, Elijah tried to leave Elisha:
Elijah: I’m going to Bethel.
Elisha: I’m coming with you.
Elijah: Ok, now I’m going to Jericho.
Elisha: Well, I am coming with you too.
Elijah: I’m going to the Jordan River.
Elisha: You can count me in, I love the Jordan River!
Please read 2 Kings 2 for yourself :)
Elisha was staying till the end.
If you think it is so easy to stick it through, then try it.
Elisha may have had his motivations for not simply saying goodbye at Bethel:
Elisha to Elijah: Thank you for all the years of your mentorship, God bless you and safe trip to Bethel, beware of the wild donkeys. Goodbye.
But he knew there was a purpose for their friendship beyond the earthly scope of connection. Elisha acknowledged that there was a unique anointing over Elijah and he sought to honour it even with his life.
In 2 Kings 2:12, after Elijah had been taken up to heaven by the Chariots of Fire, the verse concludes by saying “…as they disappeared from sight, Elisha tore his clothes in distress.” (NLT)
We are seeing this word again. Remember the definition of suffering?
Elisha could have chosen to avoid all the emotional rigamarole if he just said goodbye earlier. After all, who will not die? But he was covenanted to stay till the end, come rain or shine. He was ready to sacrifice his geographical and emotional comfort to walk his friend home; maybe even his life.
What does faithfulness in friendship look like for you?
One of my biggest takeaways from 2 Kings 2 is:
Choose Intuition over being Literal
Too many times, I hear myself and others make excuses for why we cannot or do not want to stay till the end. The excuses are manifold and mostly self-centred and it comes as no surprise that our society applauds this type of behaviour.
Choose intuition over being literal.
In applying this story to your life, be intuitive. I am not asserting that you stay in a life-sucking, destructive or abusive friendship. Instead, I encourage you to let God’s spirit lead you and develop in you the character of faithfulness as it is a sacrifice.
David and Jonathan
The Bromance of Life. I wish there was a female version of Bromance. David and Jonathan’s friendship is what society today would call GOALS! (Or totally toxic and chaotic. Depends on who you ask.)
Let’s pause for a minute to understand the dynamics of their relationship.
This Friendship is layered and oh-so beautiful, it gets me every time.
There’s so much to unpack, let’s start by naming our cast:
Saul: The current King who comes to know of David through his fearless act of killing the enemy giant, Goliath. Saul is also riddled with fear and jealousy towards David.
David: A shepherd boy, who becomes anointed to be King of Israel, although there is a current King — Saul. (Inside scoop: Saul was beginning to digress from the way of the Lord, so God thought it well to retire him and have someone else rule…okkurr)
Jonathan: The son of King Saul. Rightfully next in line for the throne. Best friend of David. Loyal till the end.
Now we are set! But wait, can you please open your Bible and read 1 Samuel 20? It is an amazing chapter!
One of my biggest takeaways from 1 Samuel 20 is:
Choose Loyalty over Convenience
1 Samuel 20: 42 wraps up with Jonathan saying to David: “Go in peace, for we have sworn loyalty to each other in the Lord’s name. The Lord is the witness of a bond between us and our children forever.”
How many friendships do you know that have sworn loyalty to each other with God as their witness, except marriage?
Most people today will say — don’t be too deep, friendship is never that serious. If it’s never that deep, how come couples who choose to get married share sacred vows before God, friends and family?
A marriage is a friendship for life.
Societal standards imply that friendship is secondary to biological family and optional based on geographical, emotional and psychological safety.
A friendship may not be for life, but it is a sacred space of connection. When we remove God from the equation and prime ourselves and our feelings as the most important factors in the dynamic of a friendship, we miss out on the beautiful products of God-centred friendship.
Choose Loyalty over Convenience
Did you read 1 Samuel 20?
If yes, I have two questions for you:
1.What do you think Jonathan sacrificed in his friendship with David?
(Try it the other way round)
2. If you were next in line for royalty and you realized your best friend got chosen to rule instead of you, would it change your friendship?
God was clearly the centre of the friendship between David and Jonathan. Their friendship was grounded in truth — and covered with love. One thing I find endearing about their connection is how they set expectations again and again. There was no reading in between the lines for these two — they verbally expressed their love, their doubts and their fears and they made room for the other to share. Is it a guy thing?
Be careful not to subconsciously believe that EVERY friendship has to share the kind of depth and intimacy that David and Jonathan shared. At all.
You cannot force intimacy on a friend and no one can force intimacy on you. To become a friend of the caliber of David or Jonathan is an intentional journey. To be serendipitously paired with a friend like David or Jonathan is a divine blessing.
— — — — — — — — — — — — Let’s bring it back to 2024
In preparing for these pieces, I discuss with friends and family members to hear their thoughts on friendship too. It is wonderful.
Many of us desire intimate relationships and friendships but oftentimes, we struggle with the reality of making this desire a reality, especially in a social media saturated world.
I want to share an excerpt from a note that one of my dear friends shared with me; this note captures some of her thoughts on friendship that truly resonated with my heart on the matter. Not a BROMANCE — yay! but a female friendship I can rep.
“I believe there are various forms of friendship, some deeper than others, but they all require time and effort to develop. Furthermore, the higher the amount of closeness, the greater the irritation. I have a friend I have known for almost 20 years, and she has always been there for me despite my mistakes, such as not being able to answer her texts or calls, waiting for a call from me and failing to ask her how she is doing. Today, I can say that this friend was only able to overcome her frustration and pain through the cross. That the daily hygiene of forgiveness in our relationship is the key to remaining united.”
Faithfulness requires sacrifice.
Loyalty requires sacrifice.
Forgiveness requires sacrifice.
What do you sacrifice for your friends? I am asking myself the same question.
Part 3 coming soon. Yes there is more 😮
As always,
Victoria ❤
